Purchasing Embargo

A group of ten friends in San Francisco have made international news and gained a large following by keeping a compact to give up buying new non-essential products for the recently ended year.

This news has not been welcomed by the Advertising Industry. In fact, the group members have been blocked from using any of Google's services until they disavow the experiment.

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One drawback though: now the group members have to wait five years before opening an account with Gmail.

Olive Garden Sickness

300 diners became sick last week after eating at an Olive Garden in Indiana. Now health officials believe it was caused by a 'norovirus.'

An Olive Garden official said he wished the whole incident was imaginary, just like the company's advertisements that authentic Italians dine there.

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An Olive Garden official said that customers should not believe that its restaurants are unsafe anymore than one should believe the ridiculous notion purported in its ads, that real Italians dine there.

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A company official said he was disappointed that so many people complained. He said "they shoulda kept it in the family," and that "the rat bastards will pay for talking to the Health Department."