Toyota Passes Chrysler

For the first time, Toyota's yearly sales in the U.S. topped Chrysler, which slid to Number 4, after GM, Ford, and Toyota.

Lee Iaccoca is rolling in his grave... and his co-spokesman, Snoop Dogg, well, he's just rolling down the street, smoking Indo.

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Said a Chrysler spokesperson, "We're pleased to point out that any and all U.S Presidents with the last name Chrysler, are not dead."

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Chrysler plans to retake the No. 2 spot next year, by introducing a Retro Millenium K-Car.

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Chrysler said retaking the No. 2 spot is as easy as bringing back Plymouth.

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Said a beaming Toyota executive: "For all the Americans flag waving, car buyers are a thrifty, lazy lot that will sell out its country men for a shiny piece of plastic."

Ford Motor Woes

The Ford Motor Company is putting up nearly all its North American assets as collateral for a $18 billion line of credit.

Ford excluded its prized company collection of autos, which includes the prototype of the Model T, and the 1977 Thunderbird in which Brtiney Spears was conceived.

It's been a bad week for Ford. In the latest monthly sales figures releaed Friday, Ford dropped to Number 4.

In hopes of turning things around, Ford has borrowed a page from Chevy's ad campaign, and will begin airing truck commercials titled "This is Our USA" featuring the Great Johnstown Flood.

Things are so bleak that the company has stopped correcting people when mistaken for former President Gerald Ford.

Analysts were surprised that one half of the hourly work force - 38,000 employees - accepted Ford's buyout offers and early retirement packages.

One possible explanation is worker unhappiness when they showed up for their shifts Thursday and were given thorough physicals from bankers who wanted to "examine the goods."