Princess Diana's death

British police have concluded that the deaths of Princess Diana and her boyfriend Dodi Fayed in 1997 were a "tragic accident" and that allegations of murder are unfounded.

They ruled out the conspiracy theory, saying even though Elton John capitalized on the death, he did not directly cause it.

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But their report includes a section by Prince Charles, titled, "If I Did It."

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It took them nine years to investigate a car accident? Scotland Yard ain't what it was... I look forward to being around in 2015 to find out that Christians weren't behind this summer's subway bombings...