Gov. Christie's Warning

During a streaming interview from Facebook's offices, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said Republicans have an uphill battle in the fight for the White House next year.  (story)

He said just thinking of it made him sweat out his morning cheese steak.

Occupy Melbourne Arrests

Police in Australia have swooped down on the Occupy Melbourne camp, arresting three protesters as they enforced city orders requiring demonstrators to take down tents and tarpaulins. (story)


Demonstrators were caught off guard because the police swooped down in a counter-clockwise movement. In Australia, as you may know, swooping goes in the reverse direction from Northern Hemisphere swooping. 

Police Arrest OWSers in Church Park

Journalists and protestors were arrested after the Zuccotti Park raid when they crawled into a park owned by the Episcopal church. (story)

Police were thanked for preventing the occupiers from being accosted and given a sermon by some long-winded priest.

Organizers of OWS said it was a low point for the movement, but vowed to never again have anything to do with church.

UC Berkeley Shooting

Campus police at UC Berkeley shot a man who raised a gun just a half mile from student anti-Wall Street activists. (story)

Penn State officials responded with schock that some schools' police are allowed to uphold the law.

It's not yet known to what group the suspect belonged, as authorities are not yet done sniffing him.

Congress Deficit Supercommittee

The 12-member Congressional 'super-committee' charged with finding $1.5 trillion in budget reductions said it did not have a deal in sight. (story)

However, they did agree on what to do for the committee's Christmas card. .

Iraq Mad at Exxon

Iraq's deputy prime minister criticized ExxonMobile for making an oil deal with the Kurds. (story)

Which raises a good question: how do you toss a shoe at a faceless corporation? 

Herman's Headgames

Republican presidential hopeful Herman Cain said that God persuaded him to run for office. (see story)

When asked about it, God said: "I don't even know that man. This is the first I've seen him."

Cain later said he was misquoted, that it was a slice of Godfather pizza that told him he should be President.

Arab League Drops Syria

The Arab League voted Sunday to suspend Syria because of the regime's bloody crackdown on dissent. (See story)

Responded President Bashar Assad: "Are you Syriaous?"

Freed Ballplayer

A Major League Baseball catcher was kidnapped in his native Venezuela, but freed after a commando operation green-lighted by President Hugo Chavez. The player, Wilson Ramos, said the kidnappers told him they were going to demand a large ransom, and he thanked the government and police who rescued him. (see story)

In related news, Chavez announced a new government tax of 70% on the earnings of athletes playing abroad.

Rick Perry Excuse

During Wednesday’s Republican presidential debate, Texas Gov. Rick Perry couldn’t name one of the 3 government agencies he seeks to abolish.

Afterwards, he said it shows that the agency, Energy, is already dead to him.  

“In my head I’m making already making progress.”

When asked about his reaction to the debate, Secretary of Energy Steven Chu could only remember the names of 7 of the 8 Republican candidates for president.

Joe Paterno Excuse

Recently fired Penn State football coach has been criticized for not speaking up to authorities when he learned his former defensive coordinator sodomized a boy in the team showers.

In defense, Paterno said he didn't want to talk to police because he has a squeaky voice that everyone would have made fun of.

He later said, 'Guys, I'm an 84 year old man spending what should be his Golden years in freezing central Pennsylvania with 20 year old kids. Why would you think I'd respond rationally?

Penn State Football Team to Protest Paterno's Firing with a Shower Boycott

In response to long-time coach Joe "JoePa" Paterno's firing, the Penn State football players have decided to protest by not taking showers before or after their game against Nebraska at Happy Valley.

"If letting the sexual abuse of children go on in these showers is inappropriate and can get you fired, then we don't want anything to do with them either," said a team captain. "We will not take showers here or anywhere until Joe Pa is brought back as coach."

"Something stinks about this whole situation," an anguished lineman said. "And it's gonna start stinking a hell of a lot more."

Boy Band Mogul Admits to Fraud

Lou Pearlman, founder of boy bands 'N Sync and the Backstreet Boys, is pleading guilty to a $300m fraud scheme. In a deal he cut with prosecutors, Pearlman will gather evidence against his accomplices and help the government recover money for the victims.[ story ]

The prosecutors, in exchange, will release two very gay records.

Jack Nicholson Video Ad for Hillary

A video by Jack Nicholson in support of Hillary Clinton for president has been circulating on YouTube. The video features excerpts from Batman, A Few Good Men, The Shining, and Chinatown. [ story ]

Now supporters of John McCain have created a video featuring Nicholson. It shows a chaotic scene in Baghdad, and a big sell-off on Wall Street, with a voice over "This is as Good as it Gets"

Whaling Protesters Toss Butter

Anti-whaling activists sprayed a Japanese whaling ship near Antarctica with butyric, mild form of acid made from spoiled butter, but no passenger of the vessel was impacted. [ Story ]

So it seems the great ocean vessel is immune to the butter from the land of lakes.