Al Qaida #2 Insults Bush

Al Qaida's Second in Command, Ayman al-Zawahri, in a message released today, said that President Bush is an alcoholic.

But you have to take what he says with a grain of salt. Afterall, wasn't it just last week he called his rival, Arwaj Qurol a drug addict for using Flomax?

Bush Iraq Budget

President Bush will seek an additional $100 billion to wage the Iraq and Afghanistan wars this year, making the total for 2007 $170 billion.

Bush tried to put a silver lining on it, by reminding Congress that $30 billion would be returned to the Treasury when the Vice President pays his income tax.

President's State of the Union

President Bush will be delivering his State of the Union speech Tuesday night. The administration is concerned about how he will be received.

In fact, one offiical said that they are relieved that the Simon Cowell show comes on before the speech. When it was pointed out that American Idol is taped weeks ago anyway, the official said, "yes, I meant: the President will look a lot better after the country watches those off-key fatties."

Bush Thinking 'bout Iraq

President Bush is honkered down at his Texas ranch this week, working on a new Iraq policy.

He said he is really determined to finish his assignment, but gosh darnitt, with Ford's passing, he might probably have to attend a drawn-out state funeral, which can go on for like "days."

And, White House spokesperson Tony Snow announced: the President's mind is of course also pre-occupied with James Brown.