Miami Bomb Threat

Miami police destroyed a box that was to be loaded onto a Caribbean cruise ship because it tested positive six-times as an explosive. Later, the bomb squad determined that the contents were only plastic sprinkler parts.

But the damage was already done: Royal Caribbean announced that its Slip and Slide Tuesday event had been cancelled, and will be replaced by shuffle board.

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Fortunately, a local Home Depot rushed a replacement box of sprinkler parts, so that the cruise's Wet Tee-Shirt contest can go on as scheduled.

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When asked if he regretted the mistake, a Coast Guard spokesman said, "Oh sure, like the Islanders need any help growing weed..."

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And so the bread fruit crop, so important to the West Indies economy, remains at risk until the country's sprinkler can be replaced.

New Jersey subway flooding

A government analysis concludes that a small bomb would flood the subway tunnels connecting New Jersey to New York City with one million gallons of water per minute.

It says that within an hour the only thing visible would be the tops of womens' hair.

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The report cautions passengers to use waterproof makeup and maximum strength hairspray.