Olive Garden Sickness

300 diners became sick last week after eating at an Olive Garden in Indiana. Now health officials believe it was caused by a 'norovirus.'

An Olive Garden official said he wished the whole incident was imaginary, just like the company's advertisements that authentic Italians dine there.

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An Olive Garden official said that customers should not believe that its restaurants are unsafe anymore than one should believe the ridiculous notion purported in its ads, that real Italians dine there.

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A company official said he was disappointed that so many people complained. He said "they shoulda kept it in the family," and that "the rat bastards will pay for talking to the Health Department."